Your music is memorable. I can't say that the fame, the money, anything really brought you happiness though.

When our rights as parents, and as individuals, to choose what medical treatment we will consider are trampled...it shows how low this supposed "free" society is.

http://tucson.cox.net/cci/newsnational/national?_mode=view&_state=maximized&view=article&id=D989LDDG0&_action=validatearticle

I've missed this entire season of Lost because of my PPD support groups or American Idol...so in two weeks I'll probably go back to my PPD groups, since next week is the AI final. And I need to get Lost on DVD because this is just ridiculous...I still love the show but I can't watch it because I've missed too much, same with house.

On the plus side, we now have a 2008 Chevy Cobalt....sadly it's not Japanese but it seems to be a good little car...I'm happy to have it. I want to get Sirius in it soon..it's XM ready but XM has lousy packages and Sirius has a la carte which would be best since I don't want all the annoying sports channels that we would never listen to, and I like being able to choose content.

I have also discovered a really cool website run by Rainn Wilson, of The Office fame...check it out!
www.soulpancake.com

http://www.capitalcentury.com/1976.html
This isn't the first time we've been through a "swine flu" scare!!!

It's bizarre and weird, how I can remember certain events in history. I credit this to my dad. As long as I can remember he has always watched CNN and the news.....5 pm news, 6 pm news, 10 pm news. So I've grown up pretty aware of current events as they happened. And I've kept that up as I got older...if I had cable or satellite I'd be watching CNN or MSNBC.

On this day 10 years ago, I was waking up getting ready for work. My ex-husband was already gone for work. I had the radio on, listening to my favorite morning show as I woke up, and I heard one of the DJ's saying that they heard that there was yet another school shooting, this time in Littleton, Colorado. I was shocked and amazed, because the year before there had been a number of shootings at high schools throughout the US. I ran and turned on the TODAY show, which at the time was my favorite for breaking news (loved that Katie Couric! It's not the same without her!). And I stayed glued for the next few days. Even weeks.

Why? I knew no one up there. I was 3 years out of high school, but technically it should have been 1 year out of high school (put in school early, graduated early) so I guess part of me still felt like and thought like a high school student. I don't know why it affected me so much, but it did....and as today goes on I still think about that day, and the pain that everyone experienced.

Things are still doing well on this front. Still trying to move, etc. Trying and wanting to keep up but I'm just so tired most days now....and when I'm online I'm trying to job hunt to get us back to benson. I think I can honestly say I am over the PPD. I just needed to up the meds and stuff. I will never forget it...this isn't something that anyone should go through.

Abby is now 6 months old and I badly need batteries to upload her newest pictures. She's not interested in solid foods yet. She's a big beautiful happy baby but I still wish I had another little boy.

Doing good on my old dose of meds, now it's more cognitive stuff I need to work on. Haven't gotten the adrenal testing results back yet....probably end of the month. I was supposed to get my progesterone cream today but the wonderful USPS did not deliver it as I had specified. I won't get started on the problems I've had with them and our post-person in particular, but I'm calling tomorrow to find out WHERE my progesterone is.

Trying to hopefully simpify our lives.....with me working and Jereme being the SAHD and doing side stuff certain evenings. First, gotta find a job that pays me well enough and has insurance for this to happen. As much as I DON'T want to work, it's just not worth it to work only a few hours when childcare will take all my money (not like it dosn't now). I definitely need to be away from the kids for a few hours a day.....and sadly I need insurance for my meds. So, we'll see.

*sigh* Well it's over sadly, but it was a hard fought game.

As much as I love Bruce Springsteen....his show was pretty lame IMO.

And I ate cheese bread and I am allergic to anything cow dairy....so now I have cramps with..stuff. And my hormones have shifted AGAIN. Yeesh.

OMG dude..........you better bring the fire back 2nd half!

They shouldn't have beaten the Panthers or Philly.....and I don't know if they have what it takes to beat the Steelers juggernaut.....but here's the offficial Phoenix KISS-FM Cardinals song.
http://johnjayandrich.krq.com/cc-common/mediaplayer/playerccas.html?mps=audiobits.php&mid=http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/30292/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/30292/163/richmedia/CARDINALS_ROCK.mp3?CCOMRRMID=24237680&CPROG=RICHMEDIA&MARKET=TUCSON-AZ&NG_FORMAT=chr&NG_ID=JJARIP&OR_NEWSFORMAT=&OWNER=163&SERVER_NAME=www.johnjayandrich.com&SITE_ID=163&STATION_ID=JJAR-IP&TRACK=official-kissfm-cardinals-rock
The song starts after the stupid Brake Masters ad.

I have not gone up on my meds.  In fact, my supplements are what is helping me.  I feel back to normal.  I know I will still have problems, ups and downs, hormones going nuts.  The book "This Isn't What I Expected" has been a great help, even thoguh I don't agree with everything in it.

I've also started going to a group for those who deal with this, and there's pregnant people there!  I wish i had known abuot this for 2 pregnancies!!!!!!

But I am better.  And just because I am going through this and had have problems in the past do not mean I am crazy.  I make these pointed comments to someone who I know will find this some day and hopefully see how hurtful and angry his words have made me.  HOwever I post this publicly, to let others in my life, for people to see me warts and all.  Just don't take the warts out of context.

I cannot believe they are in the Super Bowl.  We watched the whole game yesterday and it was quite amazing.  If they actually beat the Steelers I would be surprised.  I always go for the underdog....the Steelers have been there I dont' know how many times (and cheated a few years back in a Super Bowl!  Or at least, had help with some refs).

The emotional state is better.  I have a book on helping myself through this.....going to the naturopath, working on Cognitive stuff, reading stuff from old bound volumes, and reading many of the Psalms.

The book, I can't say I agree with everything in it, but it has good info on how to help myself.  I will get through this, this won't last forever, it never has.

Yesterday was very hard, I give you that.  The whole blasted day.  I see the psychiatrist today to see if going up antoher dose on my meds would help....it's very hard to say, I felt nothing yesterday.  It was just horrid...I sat in the back room of the meeting with another sister the whole time.

I do have some supplements from my nature doc (who is also a brother) he told me to try.  I'm supposed to pick up more today.  They are stupid expensive.  They seem to help.  Then, late last night, I took 1/4 of a piece of Klonopin, a tranquilizer.  Wow.  I started feeling like my old self, and by the end of the night, I was my old self.  Don't think that everything is back to normal now...no, not by a long shot.  But it showed me that I am capable of going back to that.  I've had hormonal problems my whole puberty life, anxiety and depression problems my whole puberty life been on antis for 10 years.  I felt pushed into them by my ex-husband, he says he just wanted me to be better.  Fair enough....I will take his word for it.

I did my neurotransmitter tests last week, won't get the results until next week of course.

The supplements from him are crazy expnesive like I said, and with my hours being reduced.....but if Jah feels they are what I need, I know the money to get them will be available. 

He helped me so much yesterday, truely listened to my prayers.  I know some do not believe in God, and that is their choice....but these things happening to me strengthens my personal belief...if someone disagrees that's ok.

I will be ok.  I don't know when.  I've never been really down more than 2 weeks that I can remember, although with my son it was misery for a whole trimester, since I tried to get off my meds and failed...the hormones mixed with withdrawls were ACH.  My post-partum period was on a higher dosage than I'm on now....that may have to happen again.  which is annoying because then it's 2 copays, 60 bucks!  UGH.

FOr those of you that pray, please keep me in your prayers.  If you don't, please keep me in your thoughts.

My hormones have shifted again and I fear post-partum depression or anxiety.  It started last week and gave me a couple days reprieve and now it's back again.

I am not sure what to do...to go up on meds or what.  I am following a healthy diet with supplements.  I'm starting to think that going back up its my option but it's so blasted expensive beacuse it's two doses so it's two co-pays.  And I owe the nature doc for the last worthless visit (put on a diet I can't even do because I'm nursing) plus I owe the midwife and part of a carpayment for the husband, which barely leaves me any room for gas and a med refill, much less two.

I just want to be back to the way I was....I'm so sick of this.  I hate feeling this way...I feel scared.  Stressed, anxious, tired, blue, scared, jumpy, agitated.

I know I somewhat went through this even on my full-strength dose with my son.....I don't remember if I felt this way or not.  I wasn't working at the time, didn't know about fish oils or a naturopath.  It makes me so angry that this is happening.  I don't even like to admit it's happening.

I had hormonal ups and downs during the pregnancy.  They came and went.  This....I dont' know.  It's only going on week 2 but I'm just so irritated that it hasn't gone away yet.  And I don't know what to do to make it go away.  My labs came back fine from November....I felt great then.  So I was put on a diet, got some supplements, and now I'm going to be out $170 bucks!!  A 90 buck visit!!!!  Normally this stuff helps me, but this last visit was such a blasted WASTE.

I've had them re-tested but it will take two weeks to get the results!  And re-start on supplements again.  I just want to cry with the money I owe to people.
It’s been said that it can take up to 18 months for a woman’s hormone levels to return to normal after pregnancy.  Dear lord, it's only 3 months now.  Explains Why I felt pretty great after David turned a year old.

I have to admit it's here.  And realize I need more help.  Higher help, and the wisdom to know what to do.

I get a cool iPod Nano for him, plus a gift card for iTunes for an anniversary present.  He asks me later if I could take it back and exchange it for stainless steel cookware?????

There's breaking news in the Caylee Anthony case so Websleuths is almost impossible to get into. EVERY time something big and major happens, the servers almost bust. So now I'm grumping and I CAN'T GET IN. ARRRGH.

Most definitely the princess. I was always fascinated by her as a child....she had such pretty clothes and people adored her. As I grew older I learned why and that endeared her more to me.

I can still remember it being night-time and I was chatting online with a person (Alvin, are you still out there somewhere??) and he asked if I'd heard about the princess. I asked my mom to flip channels and sure enough, the breaking news showed she'd been in an accident and was in serious condition. We stayed watching (my mom, whether she'll admit it or not, is somewhat of a newshound, though not as much as my dad) and watched as the condition was upgraded to announcing her death.

We watched her funeral...with all the pomp and circumstance around it.

Johnny Cash was another that struck me and got me into enjoying his music more.

Steve Irwin is the last one...I'd always enjoyed him and his work at trying to save wildlife.

It's been hard around here.....I had to go back to work last month and it's been very painful. I'd been trying to find part-time work or full-time closer to home, but now my trusted sitter has told me she needs to go part-time to concentrate more on her daughter's homeschooling. This would happen in January.....so now I'm searching for part-time work with no success. I don't want to be dishing out money to two sitters.

Husband could be losing his job in two months as well.

Other then that, baby is growing like a weed and she's very pretty and cute....for a girl. My computer is broken and has been for a month, so I can't upload any new pics. Dad is trying to fix it but I'm trying to save up money for a new one, and the computer guy I use says for around 800 he can make it much like the broken one. Yeeesh.

It's just crazy around here, but we both feel part-time is best for us in my situation...if something would just pan out for me!!!